DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a producer for a major multimedia company, and I’m currently in a tricky situation.
My team and I were tasked with producing a special event that features several high-profile celebrities, and one of our guests isn’t up to par with the others. The guest is a friend of one of my co-producers, so he was able to finesse his way onto the show. I don’t think my co-producer should be allowed to tarnish the quality of our show just to give her friend a job opportunity.
How should I approach this situation without causing any major conflicts? I’m looking for advice on how to handle this situation gracefully and professionally.
Producer Problems
DEAR PRODUCER PROBLEMS: Arm yourself with specific examples of why you think this person is not appropriate for the show. Speak confidentially with the other producers to see if they share your view. If so, invite the producer in question to have a private conversation with the group.
Together, state your case and suggest that this person be removed from the show. Sure, this may ruffle feathers, but if you keep it private, no one has to lose face.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved to America from Ethiopia when I was 8 years old; I have lived here with my grandparents ever since. My parents and brothers still reside in Ethiopia, as do some of my other aunts and uncles.
I am now a sophomore in college, which is only made possible by a full-ride scholarship. I also have a job because I need to be able to make money to buy groceries, toiletries and other necessities.
I have enough to support myself, but there isn’t much left. Regardless, my mom often calls, asking me for hundreds of dollars at a time — and it’s not just her. My aunt makes these requests as well.
I can’t consistently keep doing this because I won’t be able to take care of myself. The other day, I emptied my bank account completely in order to send my mom money. I can’t continue to live this way.
How do I tell my mom and other extended family members that I won’t be able to send money to them anymore?
Overextended
DEAR OVEREXTENDED: In many countries, there is a misperception that people who live in America are rich. This is especially true for immigrants’ family members back home.
Because the dollar is generally worth far more than their home currency, it seems as if the American relative is wealthy. Those who have never been here have no idea how expensive it is to live in the United States. That reality may be hard to explain.
What you can do is manage expectations better. Rather than cutting off your family entirely, which might be devastating to them on many fronts, be strategic about it. Create a budget, and let your mother know how much you can give her each month based on that budget. Even if the amount seems small, let her know what it is and send that.
She may complain at first, and others may reach out for money as well. If you remain clear and steadfast with the stated amount, eventually they will realize you are being serious.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
