JD Vance, the Republican nominee for vice president, recently doubled down on his 2021 comment that the country is being run “by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.” Though she’s the stepmother of two, Vance put Vice President Kamala Harris on his childless therefore miserable tally. And in a recent interview with Megyn Kelly, he stood by what he said: that Harris is unworthy to lead the country because she never bothered contributing a person to its labor force. (Because this is, after all, the biggest betrayal women who opt out of motherhood commit against their nation.)
As a woman who has chosen not to raise children, and who first expressed my disinterest in motherhood when I was 10, I’m not surprised by Vance’s remarks.
As a woman who has chosen not to raise children, and who first expressed my disinterest in motherhood when I was 10, I’m not surprised by Vance’s remarks. In the four decades since I made this declaration, I’ve had countless people like Vance accuse me of everything from selfishness to brokenness to, yes, an unhappiness that cuts so deep that even I can’t see it.
Vance, who has a thing about claiming that childless adults are miserable, must know that Harris and all the other “childless cat ladies” are not unhappy. To the contrary, he is likely acutely aware that for many of us, a life unburdened with caring for children has presented us with an endless variety of ways to find joy. He’s likely seen the Pew Research Center data confirming what every woman with children already knew: Mothers take on the lion’s share of the daily care of children. To suggest that women who forgo such labor are despondent about having an emotional, physical and financial surplus is laughable.
I don’t know much about Vance, but I’m assuming he’s not dense. How could any sensible person look at women who have the freedom to move about the world however they please and conclude that they are sitting on their sofas crying because they can catch a flight to visit a friend without having to work around the schedules of children? What logical person sees a woman who isn’t stressed out from finding the right school for a struggling teenager or chauffeuring multiple kids to back-to-back birthday parties and thinks: Ya know, this well-rested woman really wishes she had more fatigue in her life. She doesn’t realize how much character exhaustion can build.
I’ve had decades to examine what’s underneath the claim that childless cat ladies are miserable, which men like Vance use as code language. A woman who doesn’t place the care of children at the center of her life has the freedom to design that life in whichever way suits her. She can, if she wants, get a bunch of cats and take care of them however she sees fit. She can also pour into human relationships with as much time, effort and care as she deems necessary. Because she isn’t bound by the constant sacrifice that a parent-child relationship requires, a woman without children has the ultimate say in how much she will invest in her friendships, her romantic pursuits, her birth family and her professional acquaintances.
We childless cat ladies enjoy privileges that have historically been afforded only to men.
And this is what Vance takes issue with. It’s why his political party is trying so hard to make it impossible for women to terminate unwanted pregnancies. It’s why his 2021 remarks equating childlessness to misery were followed by his claim that childless adults believe their self worth lies in getting the best credentials and earning lots of money. Essentially, it’s the tired trope of women, particularly, choosing their careers over children.
But there has been no greater gift to women than a world in which she doesn’t have to marry and have a man’s child as a means of economic and social survival. For women who find themselves in midlife without children — whether by choice or circumstance — meaningful friendships, sacred solitude and blissful autonomy remind them that the motherhood path they’d been sold as girls was never the sole route to joy. Motherhood was merely an option that some chose to take; it has never been a necessity.
There has been no greater gift to women than a world in which she doesn’t have to marry and have a man’s child as a means of economic and social survival.
It would be easy to lambaste Vance and make him the pariah for such regressive thinking. However, 50 years as a happily childfree-by-choice lady have shown me that Vance’s discomfort with women like me is not uncommon. Fifteen years ago, I was home for the holidays when my sister-in-law asked if one of my New Year’s resolutions was to meet a nice man so I could finally have a child. Confused, I asked with all seriousness, “Why would I be resolving for a thing I’ve been actively rejecting for 35 years?”
She looked at me as if I had two heads. At least 10 full seconds of awkward silence followed before she found something else to talk about.
I’m not sure if my sister-in-law is a registered Democrat, but I’m confident she won’t be voting for Vance and his running mate in November. She does have something in common with him, though. The mere thought that a woman’s happiness can be linked to her decision NOT to have children makes her uncomfortable. Vance’s projection of his discomfort onto women who’ve flouted conventional expectations isn’t far removed from the worldview of many men and women, regardless of their political leanings.
Whether miserable or joyful, what childless cat ladies have in great abundance is time. And we’re looking forward to making use of it in November. Our schedules tend to be more flexible than mothers, particularly those who have chosen to procreate with macho men like Vance. We’ll be first in line at the polls, happily making good use of the time that Vance is upset we have.
